The two most powerful parts of any funeral or memorial service are the telling of the loved one’s life story . . . and the personal stories that those who cared for them share. Before my mother’s funeral, I interviewed my grandmother (her mother), her siblings, and my father to find stories from her life. What was she like as a child? Growing up? A young woman? A mother? A wife? I wanted to try to capture the whole scope of her life.
After the funeral, so many people—even lifelong friends–came up and said they learned something from my eulogy. I even had people ask for copies! No one knows another person completely so telling the life story is so lovely.
But the part I couldn’t capture were the little stories that all of her students and those who had known her for years from school or church treasured in their own hearts. Having a select time in the service for people to stand for 1-2 minutes and share a memory was deeply touching. It also allowed them to help process their own grief—and share their joy at having known her.
I also know that not everyone will want to stand and speak. Whether too shy or too overcome with emotion, some prefer a more private sharing. We made sure we had notebooks passed around, with someone in charge of making sure they kept moving, that guests could take for a moment and write down a quick memory. Those stories were incredible. I learned about the ways in which my mother had touched people that I had never even heard of. I love that I can open that notebook any time and share a memory.
So think about the different ways you can encourage people to share their memories—either aloud, or in writing, or in a photo. It’s a powerful way to honor your loved one’s memory while also making that memory a little brighter.