While recent events have forced us all to consider how to re-envision traditional services in a world where gatherings are difficult or impossible, a pandemic isn’t the only reason you might consider a remote service. For example, perhaps the deceased friends and family don’t live nearby and travel might be expensive or difficult. We live more far-flung lives these days, and many of us collect friends from all over. Remote services allow more people to engage and be present.
If you are the bereaved and planning the service, here are a few tips for making it memorable & smooth:
- It’s hard to be the one grieving and the one handling tech. Have someone else, perhaps an officiant, lead the service and be in charge of dealing with the tech. This might even be two different people—one person for tech and an officiant to lead the service. Ask your officiant if she is comfortable doing both.
- Online spaces are less conducive to “opening up the floor” to sharing stories. Send out requests in advance and tap specific people to share memories. Make sure your officiant has this list & knows how to pronounce their names.
- 15 minutes before the official start time: open the room & have any one designated to speak enter the room early. This gives the officiant a chance to meet them & let them know how they will be introduced. They can also practice muting and unmuting. They should also check to make sure their screen name is accurate.
- Customize the waiting room message to let guests know they should stay on mute for the service & that specific people will be called on to speak.
- 5 minutes before the official start time, admit anyone in the waiting room. Make sure everyone is on mute. The officiant should welcome them & let them know that we’ll be starting shortly but will be giving everyone until 5 after the start time to get logged on. Continue to admit visitors. If you are officiating and doing tech, turn off the waiting room before the service begins.
- Keep the service on the short side: Around 35-45 minutes for the service and another 10-15 minutes for “good-byes.” Spend the longest time in telling the life story of the individual being honored. 3-5 speakers is usually a good number and encourage them to share a brief memory. A 8-10 minute slide show featuring photos & the favorite music of the deceased is a nice replacement for a moment of silence.
- Guests will want to say “good-bye” —-close the service but be prepared for a “soft” good-bye. Some people will head out but others will want to unmute and say a few words to the bereaved.
- Guests may also use the chat to share messages of support or memories.
- Encourage guests to email memories to the bereaved.
- Record everything! Save the chat and record the service!
Plan, Plan, Plan. That’s really the key—test out your plans and practice!